Gentle Expectations

Our expectations play a big part in how we approach and experience life.

I set out one day recently to ride a horse that I have ridden and worked with numerous times in the past. She is a horse I would have chosen to demo with on groundwork because I know that she can demonstrate what it is "supposed to look like", and that can be super handy when explaining an exercise to people. I had not "worked" with her in many months on any ground skills. She was being a bit grouchy so I thought I'd send her out on a couple quick circles to get us syncing, and then I'd be on my merry way out for a quick trailride. Much to surprise she did not deliver on the simple circling request! Although I know how to teach a horse to circle, my plan for that moment was to circle and get out of there, and apparently I was not feeling too flexible. I found myself very quickly getting frustrated and disappointed because she was not meeting my expectations.

As I sit here on my day off, far away from this frustrating situation, I am in a good space to ponder the outcome of that event. How often do we respond to people with the same disappointment and frustration. Although I prefer to think of myself as a fairly gracious person, ha ha, we all have expectations of people that we are in relationships with and the strangers we encounter, don't we? As imperfect human beings we fall short; people disappoint other people. How do you respond when others disappoint you? Does it send you into a spiral of self loathing or launch you into crazy frustration? I have heard people say "I choose not to expect anything from people then I won't be disappointed". Although a safe option perhaps, I don't think we want to stop expecting great things from our horses and from others but I do think there is a potential lesson here in having "gentle expectations". We need to ask God to help us be gracious in allowing people to have their own experience and responding however they might.

The Investment of Time.

After my trailer experiences last week I found myself wishing I had spent more time ahead of time  so that when it came to the big day, it would have gone more smoothly. It got me thinking about the INVESTMENT OF TIME. There is a rather popular quote from a favorite horse trainer of mine ...

Take the time it takes so it takes less time.

- Pat Parelli

That is to say, if we invest into our relationship with the horse, the solid foundation we have laid will be there when we need it most. Instead of spending 3 hours trying to load a horse into a trailer while the new owners stand by watching, it takes 2 seconds because we have invested the time required into his training beforehand. 

Time is precious. I find that especially in North American culture today, in a time is money era, what a person does with their time says a lot about their values. Life can get so busy and our relationships can stay so shallow! We rush around trying to get things done, taking shortcuts and brushing past people and most importantly even brushing past our God!

So what happens when a crisis occurs? If we have invested our time well and spent "the time it takes so that it takes less time" (so to speak) then we have a firm foundation on which we can stand.

"They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built." Luke 6:48

What does the way we are spending our time say about us? Are we spending time on people? Are we INVESTING time in our relationship with our creator?

Let's ask God for the ability to TAKE TIME with the people we encounter; to really see them. To take time with our horses. To take time with our relationships. To take time, even, with our own issues; to find healing and freedom. So that when a storm arises or a pressing situation occurs we are well prepared because of the time we have invested.


Where are you investing your time? Where would you like to invest more of your time?

When We Run Out of Answers.

What do we do when we run out of answers?

This week I have been trying to get a "hard to load" horse on the trailer to a new home. Hence, I have been thinking more and more about this question. I suppose it really depends on the person, however, I would say that FRUSTRATION is a pretty basic response. Some people get angry, many speak and act out of their frustration, while others just give up and withdraw.

In horse training, our frustration can be extremely detrimental. We stop teaching well and acting well. We end up doing things that we would not normally do and often don't even genuinely believe are helpful; but we are out of tricks, so we just start doing crazy stuff!

When horses stop thinking, they are dangerous! They start acting out of their instinctive fight or flight. The result can be extreme self harm and often great damage to the people around them; despite the humans' efforts and good intentions. It has gotten me thinking ... do we do that? As people? I think maybe we do. I would venture to say that when people stop thinking, we too are dangerous! We run out of answers to life and respond in all kinds of detrimental ways.

One of the best things I have learned when working with horses is, in a frustrating moment, to take a step back and just consider what is going on. It is extremely freeing to be okay with not knowing all the answers. Let's learn to just take a moment. Step back and take a minute to think. Here God can work.

Below is a picture of a horse being loaded poorly, and one of it being done well. In the second photo, the horse is looking to the person for leadership, he is thinking it through and trusting. Oh that I would be that way with God. In those moments where I have run out of life's answers I pray I would look to HIM for my assurance and direction.

 

We can take this in two ways I think. One, let's learn from being a horse trainer, not acting out of our frustration, but stopping and refocusing on our faithful and steadfast God; searching for truth and life. Two, let's learn from the horse, noting the people we hurt around us when we stop thinking and start flailing.

How do you respond when you run out of answers?

The Choice to Follow.

Have you ever had a horse follow you because it WANTS to? You know, that dream of having no ropes attached while you and the horse walk together through a field at sunset; knowing the horse has the option of heading off but it is choosing to be with you! It is one the best feelings! 

Offering freedom to the horse is risky though. It takes courage and selflessness and a strong conviction that the relationship is worth it, after all, he might say "No"! In the horse industry this can equal up to a lot of embarrassment for humans that are willing to take the risk. However, if you are confident in what you are looking for out of this relationship, then you are willing to offer the freedom of choice.

"Free Will" is a subject of great controversy and something I have often tried hard to grasp. Why would God allow us to choose to follow Him?! But oh goodness gracious when I was able to see, through building a relationship with a horse, the difference that trust and freedom of choice creates and the depth it brings to your partnership - what amazing things can be accomplished!

I have found that  people don't often give the horse a choice. As humans, we try to manage and control things; adding bigger bits and a ridiculous assortment of straps and chains to keep the horse from acting out. I'll always remember a trailride I lead with a very sensitive mare. The man riding was declaring his love of the "spirit of this horse"; he felt awesome about the ride he'd had! He exalted himself because he felt he was able to control this horse and harness all the power that he felt beneath him. If you looked at the horse you could see plain fear, she was drenched in sweat and not thinking clearly. Sadly, I do not think she had quite the same experience as her rider. The rider in this scenario was thinking of himself and his own ego. Wouldn't we rather have a calm and happy horse? One with the capacity to be crazy and exercise it's power, but chooses to submit to us because we are worthy leaders. A relationship  instead of a ride?

Offering the freedom of choice to the horse is acting out of the best interest of the horse, not ourselves. Here-in lies the secret! God offers us the choice to follow him out of the best interest of humanity. He knows the depth of relationship it brings and the greatness that can be accomplished through a freely surrendered life. Life is full of choices! Are we choosing to follow him in everything? Once you have this picture in your head of a leader that has allowed us freedom because He cares so greatly for us, the greatest fields and fence-less pastures will fade in comparison to the relationship he offers!

Thank you to Parelli Natural Horsemanship for providing the tools that allowed me to offer horses "the choice to follow". 

Meeting us right where we are.

I feel like my last post was a little .. "hard". It made it seem like horses are difficult to connect with; they peek into your soul and judge, when in fact, horses are the least judgemental of all!

When you meet a horse, they don't see the colour of your skin, they don't really care about your past or how you got to be the way you are today. They don't care if you did your hair that day or if you have the coolest clothes. Their friendship transcends all boundaries. They meet you where you are.

I see a shimmery reflection of God in this way. God always meets us right where we are, as we are. We do not have to make up extravagant stories about our past or try to explain why we are the way we are, we don't have to worry about all the stereotypes that come with race, age, gender, health, status or wealth. We just get to be honest and be present. 

So, although a short post in length, millions of miles in depth! Oh to be as gracious as a horse towards the people God has placed around us. Let's learn from the horse and meet people where they are at. Let's take captive our judgemental thoughts, for we have no idea what that person may be walking through. 

Horses don't lie.

A friend sent me a link to an article on horses used in psychotherapy. I feel re-inspired! It got me to thinking about what I appreciate most about horses; the way they can teach us about ourselves. 

Horses are honest to a fault.  You cannot “fake” your way around them.  They immediately put up a mirror and give us a clear reflection of who we are, if we are willing to journey there. Amongst the herd everyone is very clear on where they stand and they are able to communicate clearly and effectively with each other. There is no pretending or whispering behind each other’s backs; what you see is what you get. You can put on a big show and act as tough as you like, but they can read you like a book. This is part of what makes them the best teachers – they do not lie. 

Horses inspire honesty of ourselves and humility of character. 

I love working with people as they work with horses. In order to learn and succeed with them you really need to be willing to drop any pretence and admit that you do not, infact, have it all together. Surprising for us all to learn about each other, I know!

Funny, isn’t that exactly the place God can teach us the most as well! I always find that when I am placed in a moment of humility (often by circumstance; oh that one day I would be able to just put myself there!) and surrender, it is there that God can meet with me and bring the greatest change and renewal in my life.

Let’s be people of humility and honesty! Bringing ourselves openly and expectantly before God to do a mighty work in us; making us better and enabling us to reach out to those around us.

A horse knows. He knows if you know. He knows if you don't know

Ray Hunt

Patience is a virtue.

I have been waiting to write my first post for a long time! I felt like it should be all done in order and the first one had to be a proper introductory post, whatever that means. But I still have not come up with a brilliant way to do that; so I shall just jump right in! Enjoy the verbose chaos that may ensue. 

 I had thought I was doing devotions for the staff this week, so spent my time in the dog park thinking about what I should speak on. The word I could not get out of my head was PATIENCE! Naturally I started thinking about horse training (this happens often) and what God has taught me about Himself and myself through the whole ongoing experience. 

Horses have been a huge tool that I believe God has used to help me develop patience. When training horses pressure is used. So, say I am teaching my horse to put her head down, I would put pressure with my fingertips on her poll, and then WAIT. At first try you have no idea how long you should wait and the longer the horse resists the more you start doubting. You begin to doubt if this is going to work, and then you begin doubting if anything you had been doing has actually worked and THEN you even begin to doubt yourself. 

The only reason I can wait calmly for so long now; not worrying if it will turn out right or what other people around me are thinking, is because I know what is coming! I KNOW what is coming! It’s “the give”…. where the horse stops resisting and gives to the pressure. For me, that is the best moment in working with a horse. 

On a much larger scale, in life as a Christian, I KNOW what is coming! The bible tells us of the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ; our faith is our assurance of a good reward. We know who wins the battle in the end! Despite our circumstances, we know who has overcome the world and all it’s evil! God is developing our patience and our faith through trails, circumstance and the people around us. 

When I first started working with horses, I would get tired of waiting and start trying all other disasterous kinds of things; some detrimental and even damaging. How often in life do we do this! Instead of confidently waiting on our God and allowing Him to build our confidence, we flounder around trying to fix everything ourselves and plan our lives out perfectly. 

Patience, I feel, sometimes is misconstrued. It is made out to be a passive, quite type of quality. I think God intends it to be alive! The patience I am talking about is a CONFIDENT and STRONG patience! Waiting in EXPECTATION!  

We CAN wait confidently and with great hope and expectation, because we KNOW what is coming!